thanks for your reply.
Actually, owning up to being OP makes shit a lot clearer. Jumping the gun on this a bit, but I see where you’re coming from in a general sense, having dated an Aspie before. From the average NT derper on the street such a statement would be blithe arrogance, hence peoples’ adverse reactions, but knowing the way in which many Aspies protect themselves from the damage inflicted by society… yeah, it now makes sense.
Something you don’t need to fear is falling into the trap of dating someone that’ll do, if you know what I mean. I doubt you have the tolerance to accept sloppy seconds, even with shit self-esteem.
Sometimes I don’t know, though. Right now I’m sort of okay, but if I reach a point in the future where I’m so desperately lonely that anyone will do, I’m not sure what I might be willing to accept. Already that day I was wondering if I should just date girls, because random lesbians used to hit on me and now there’s this one bi girl who has only known me as male and whom I think might have a crush on me. :\ The world is full of straight/bi girls, and even if I’m not attracted to them they could still provide that companionship, and I’d be willing to do what they want - I’m not particularly repulsed at the idea of sex with girls, it just doesn’t really attract me. There are lots of gay guys out there who ended up in straight marriages because of social pressure, and some of them still manage to have happy relationships. So I don’t know if I’m just being picky. /o\
There is a difference in deciding to refuse advances, and being content playing it solo; you really are going to make yourself incredibly sad if you’re constantly rejecting people. Surrounding yourself in barbed wire is ultimately going to hurt you.
Yeah, that makes sense. But I’m still scared. If I always reject them, it’ll just end there. I’ll never have to have the Trans 101 talk, I’ll never have to risk being constantly afraid of not being good enough for them, or being paranoid that my body might gross them out, or if they secretly see me as female, or that I might not even be capable of a sexual relationship due to too much dysphoria, despite mutual attraction. If it ends there, then I’ll always just be this random guy they liked who turned them down. There’d be no risk their attraction turning to disgust. Their impression of me wouldn’t be ruined by any transphobia they have. They’d always remember me as a cis guy.
However, there is nothing wrong in simply waiting confidently for someone properly awesome to come along; there’s no requirement to say yes to peoples’ advances, so there’s no harm in sitting back and allowing yourself to be flattered in the flirtations of people you’re not interested in. Don’t decide ahead of time to make yourself sad and lonely.
Yeah; I know that everything has it’s risks, so I’m trying to work up the confidence there. The OP was somewhat of an exaggeration, I guess. If there were someone whom I really liked and who liked me back, I might be willing to take that leap of faith. But the more I like someone, the more I might be hurt if things go bad. I realise this only applies to the trans thing, though. If I liked someone and they rejected me on the basis of my personality or appearance or interests, I’d be sad about it, but move on. Whereas if they rejected me on the basis of being trans and/or “really” a girl, I’m not sure if I’d be able to ever get over that, because there’s too much trauma there and I’m too scared to risk opening up that wound again.
But I know the tendency here, because I’ve seen it multiple times (I dunno why, but I have a lot of ASD friends); the default after injury is to go on the offensive, essentially putting up defenses before any further injury is dealt to the point, sometimes, of attacking others before anyone’s made a move. It seems a very logical self-defense mechanism, but it is exhausting to maintain and it leaves you lonely.
yeah, I do that. :(
This is going to seem wishy-washy and borderline hippy, but the best thing you can do here is just be content in yourself. You are articulate, seemingly intelligent, and you have wit. Of course, I have NFI what you look like so can’t comment, but frankly, there is an audience for everyone no matter the fleshy bits. If you are content with who you are, comfortable, calm and are following an ambition, they WILL come. Confidence (not arrogance) is the sexiest thing in the world. People want a piece of that, because it’s what we all desire; rather than bat people off tearfully, why not pretend they don’t matter at all because what you have is enough?
Being content within yourself is being neither the victim or the aggressor. There is a comfortable middle ground between the two, a desirable one for others.
Be the most awesome person you can. Do it. But do it for yourself. Seriously, who cares what others think? Why would you do it for anyone else, whether to impress, attract or lure them in for rejection? Just do awesome for yourself, and you WILL be desired.
You’re NOT going to be your friend. If you thought there was nothing wrong with what happened, you’d be next in line…but the fact that it puts the shits up you is defense enough against it that you needn’t worry about being trapped with a scary stalker!
In short: PLEASE don’t do something that isn’t going to achieve anything, especially if it makes you look like a douchebag. Just be content with yourself, because you have to live with you for the rest of your life - no one else. If that means transitioning into a hot-as-fuck gay guy that everyone wants a piece of, then sweet as…do it for the rest of us that are too short to ever be taken seriously. Just don’t do it because you want to defend yourself from society at large. They’re not your life partner, YOU are.
that meant a lot to me. thanks.
and short guys are awesome. my first crush = Michael J. Fox, and he’s 5’4”. he skewed my taste forever.